1
Have a date with your wife every week
2
Take her in your arms and stay with her - show her she is worth something/everything to you
3
Help with the children
4
See that the broken things in the home get repaired
5
Give her a regular women's night out
6
Baby-sit (parent) your children while she is out
7
Look her in the eye when you talk
8
Ask questions like
"What else did you feel?"
"That must have hurt you?"
"I'll bet that made you mad?" and
"Courageous to have survived that"
9
Regularly ask her about her Mom and Dad
10
Proactively suggest you visit various members of both your families
11
Never fuss when she wants you to attend a wedding with her - graciously decline if you occasionally must
12
Keep your part of the house and property tidy and in order
13
Do not leave your things lying around
14
Love her unconditionally - it sometimes doesn't matter how much she goes shopping
15
It doesn't matter most times how much money she spends
16
It doesn't matter frequently how long she speaks on the phone
17
Concede to the blue rug or the red one - whichever one she prefers
18
It need not matter to you how much she weighs - inspire her to do better if it is important to you
19
Be sensitive to her moods - deal with them adultly
20
Understand why she has a "headache"
21
Treat her with kindness
22
Be merciful to her
23
Forgive her for her wrongs - deal with them maturely if you must
24
Be tender towards her
25
Pray for her and with her regularly
26
Take the leadership in making sure she and your children are fed spiritually
27
Spend quantity time with the children not just quality time
28
Insist you talk over conflicts and try to be friends again as soon as possible
29
Be committed to reserving your evenings with her
30
Be content if she wants to sew when you are home
31
Be available if she needs you
32
Ensure your work/churchwork does not often interfere with family time
33
She is your highest priority after the Lord and yourself and she knows this for a fact
34
Touch her and hold her hand at times other than when you are thinking of the bedroom
35
Proactively make dates so you can do things together without her having the responsibility of
your children all the time
36
Don't complain about gifts - accept all gifts graciously - say "Thank you for your gift/for your thoughtfulness"
37
Compliment her on how she keeps your home
38
Compliment her when, and on how, she nurtures your children
39
Thank her when she provides a "soft place" for you and your children to come home to
40
If she doesn't do some things well, be careful to keep your thoughts to yourself and not let them
affect the courteous and kind way you treat her
41
Make a habit of catching your wife doing things right and carefully and rarely mention anything
she does wrong
42
Make the bed at least if you are the last one up
43
Stack the dirty dishes where and how she wants them stacked
44
Hang the pictures exactly as she asks
45
Be patient when she talks a lot to others after church or social events
46
Keep the outside of the home ship-shape
47
Spread the yucky fertilizer for her
48
Be patient with other drivers when she is in the car with you, and learn patience at all times
49
Ponder the scriptures/words of wisdom daily
50
Nurture your relationship with your God
51
Try continuously to find out what it means to be a Godly and good husband
52
Keep the garage and all your work areas clean
53
Make sure she has a space to park her car even if you have to sacrifice for her
54
When you are waiting in the car for her, don't mind when she needs to go back into the house
and fetch something else even if it makes you late
55
Be patient with the things you don't understand
56
Don't try to 'fix' her
57
Be sensitive to her feelings - or learn how
58
Smile lovingly at her even when she insists that the moon is triangular
59
Try your best to always put the toilet seat down
60
Give her the TV remote for the night
61
When she sends you an emotional message, don't give her "6 easy steps" to solve her problem:
that's almost never what she needs
62
Be honest with your feelings and express them more and more honestly, gently and skillfully
63
Don't hold grudges - learn how to "let them go"
64
Provide financial support for your family - be generous when as you are realistically able
65
Compliment her on how she looks
66
Admire her spiritual gifts and talents
67
Create an atmosphere for her growth:
If she is an artist, offer to buy her brushes/paint
If she writes, get her the computer that suits her
If she is a gardener, see she has the right tools
68
Be open to having visitors, if she likes having them and be an attentive host along with her hostessing
69
Keep yourself looking as good as possible
70
Keep your own weight within reason - govern yourself
71
Keep your hair clean and cut neatly
72
Don't burp or wear your greasy shoes (etc) in front of her guests - be aware and considerate
73
Be quick to listen and slow and careful to speak
74
Get right to the things she has on the "to do" goal list on the refrigerator or wherever she keeps it
75
Quickly atop and ask for directions when you are lost
76
Have a group of males with whom you can be real, cry, laugh, and learn what your wife needs through some of the things other good men have experienced
77
Don't resist all the rules she has in the home
78
Don't resent the trouble she goes to for guests instead, pitch in and help - right to the end
79
Understand and act on the fact that the first thing God asks you to do for Him is to serve and give yourself for your wife - meaning that you might
80
Value the "team" concept of marriage
81
Focus on "presenting your wife" to God one day
82
Protect and cherish her like the precious jewel she is
83
Never make a decision until she is "for" it - keep discussing until you find a way to agree
84
Gladly go to counselling when she asks and be grateful for the insights you gain into why the two
of you might be having uncomfortable times
85
Take a cooperative, active, gentle and also firm part in the loving and disciplining of your children
86
Be gracious if you go with her to the shopping mall
87
Don't keep looking at your watch to hurry her along - find another way to handle your own impatience/lack of husbandly skill
88
Be "sparkly" and courteous, especially to your wife, at social events - even when you hate being there
89
Create a list of fun things to do on your own, together, and with your family - suggest/do them
90
Always include some things she enjoys
91
Be quick to ask forgiveness when you offend her in some way or tease her hurtfully to her,
especially in public - then don't do it again
92
Be centred on your relationship with your God
93
Your goal is to obey your God in every aspect of your life - including your husbanding/parenting
94
Regard your wife as a superior person
95
Try very hard to increasingly find your road to
her heart
"Now I realize this is an impossible list, but you could do a few things on it to get started, couldn't you?"
Then when you are on the roll, add a few more.
Your wife will be grateful for as many as you can do, and guess what?
As you begin doing those things, she'll begin radiating back what you are giving her.
From: Chuck Snyder "The Way to a Woman's Heart" p 112
Note:
(Some wives will never be satisfied and will not be able to respond no matter how excellent a husband you are. It's not only about you. It's not only about her either.
If you feel this is your case, you or your wife probably then have other challenges that need to be addressed personally and individually.
The sooner you address your (plural) issues, the less complicated the remedies will be.
You and she will also likely have spousal and parenting growth and skills to discover so that you/she can use them now and when you have children.
If you or your wife fall into this category: find safe, skillful and effective short or long term counselling for either you, your wife, and/or both of you.
If she refuses to go, go by yourself. One person can make a huge difference.
Find out how to be a more skillful and effective husband to your chosen wife who has evoked surprises you never expected to have to learn about in your marriage. That's what a marriage does to all of us! You'll be a better person for the learning and the growing that your marriage will call you to do. So will she.)
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