Patriarch

"I find that spending a few minutes in a little prayerful reading (from a very small New Testament which I have kept with me every day for the past twenty years) just before I go into my home inspires me to take a more positive, happy approach in greeting and being with my wife and children."

"An ordained patriarch blesses with his touch and his voice.
A natural, unordained patriarch - a father - also blesses with his touch and his voice.
I've found that the scriptures inspire me to to be in control, to bless rather than to lose control in impatience, overreaction, and criticalness."

- Stephen R Covey
"The Divine Center" p 196

A Conversation With My Son

Someday I am going to have to have the conversation with my son. No, not the conversation all parents dread giving and all kids are mortified having. I enjoy making people uncomfortable, so that conversation should be fun.

No, I’m talking about another conversation. The one that happens after I catch his eye doing what male eyes do well — following an object of lust. We will probably be out at the mall, because that’s what dads do with their sons, and I’ll catch the look. Maybe we’ll go to the beach and see it. Doesn’t matter where it is. There will come a time when I will see it. And then it will be time for this conversation.


Hey, come here. Let me talk to you. I saw you look at her. I’m not judging you or shaming you. I know why you did. I get it. But we have to talk about it because how you look at a woman matters.

A lot of people will try and tell you that a woman should watch how she dresses so she doesn’t tempt you to look at her wrongly. Here is what I will tell you. It is a woman’s responsibility to dress herself in the morning. It is your responsibility to look at her like a human being regardless of what she is wearing. You will feel the temptation to blame her for your wandering eyes because of what she is wearing — or not wearing. But don’t. Don’t play the victim.

You are not a helpless victim when it comes to your eyes. You have full control over them. Exercise that control. Train them to look her in the eyes. Discipline yourself to see her, not her clothes or her body. The moment you play the victim, you fall into the lie that you are simply embodied reaction to external stimuli unable to determine right from wrong, human from flesh.

Look right at me. That is a ridiculous lie.

You are more than that. And the woman you are looking at is more than her clothes. She is more than her body. There is a lot of talk about how men objectify women, and largely, it is true. Humans objectify the things they love in effort to control them. If you truly love a person, do not reduce them to an object. The moment you objectify another human — woman or man — you give up your humanity.

There are two views regarding a woman’s dress code that you will be pressured to buy into. One view will say that women need to dress to get the attention of men. The other view will say women need to dress to protect men from themselves.

Son, you are better than both of these. A woman, or any human being, should not have to dress to get your attention. You should give them the full attention they deserve simply because they are a fellow human being. On the other side, a woman should not have to feel like she needs to protect you from you. You need to be in control of you.

Unfortunately, much of how the sexes interact with each is rooted in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of abuse, fear of being out of control. In some ways, the church has added to this. We fear each other because we have been taught the other is dangerous. We’ve been a taught a woman’s body will cause men to sin. We’re told that if a woman shows too much of her body men will do stupid things.

Let’s be clear: A woman’s body is not dangerous to you. Her body will not cause you harm. It will not make you do stupid things. If you do stupid things, it is because you chose to do stupid things. So don’t contribute to the fear that exists between men and women.

Pastor Nate Pyle

Unlived Life

"... nothing has a stronger influence on children than the unlived life of a parent."
Jung quoted by Steven K Baum "Growing Up at Any Age." p82

Me and My Mouse

"As for me and my mouse, we will serve the Lord.
Keep it up! Don't screw up!
Being a husband and a father is hard because they happen every day.
Go home - be men of nobility in our homes."
Dan Seaborn "Winning at Home" www.winningathome.com

Scatter or Gather?

"Dads - when you come home do your children scatter or gather around you?
Are you fun to be with?
Do you share your values with them?"
Wynand Rossouw - Radio Pulpit

Greatness

"Everybody can be great because everybody can serve."
Dr Martin Luther King Jr

Powerful...

"I'm a powerful advocate... and I am a powerful adversary."
Dr Phil

Peace, Prosperity, Security

"Work towards a peace of virtual equals: not of power, but a balance of mutual benefit: peace, prosperity and security.
Play a constructive role.
Be a responsible stakeholder.
Create a new identity politically, culturally, economically - one of co-operation.
Be more interconnected.
Balance competition and co-operation in order to prosper.
Govern your competetive impulse to dominate for the sake of the people and those who come after you.
Shake hands. Embrace each other. Attain peace.
We're all on the same ship; so, if you see a hole, plug it.
Be respectiful of the universal norms of co-operation and competition.
Create a positive trend. Continue to push it.
It will take hard work: caring, sharing, daring.
Be people oriented, far looking.
Win the battle - win the peace.
It was not the military, it was Mrs Ramos that changed my life.
After the devastation done by friends and enemies, I decided to become an engineer - I decided to build up.
Maybe I could do better by becoming an engineer using dialogue, diplomacy, courage and daring.
Forget confrontation.
Fortify yourselves to survive the threats from outside.
Become effective, influential, peaceful, relatively united as a social, economic, cultural unit.
Resolve differences diplomatically.
Be not a bad example.
Help build a better future.
Make one plus one equal more than two - it can be three, five, ten, eleven or more.
Encourage the synergy of the participants.
One plus one can equal zero - or minus five, minus ten.
We can do it!
Have a "Yes we can" attitude.
Assess, calculate, influence difficult, multi-faith relationships.
Create a regional block.
The cost of one supercarrier could finance ten universities.
Invest in education.
Transfer more budget to development, outreaching.
Defend through aliances.
Agree as virtual equals.
Act as partners instead of as enemies.
Join together to defend against natural enemies.
Say "I will try again."
Use economic and intellectual rather than military influence.
Keep the balance between the powers - neither of whom you want to antagonise.
Let cooler solutions predominate."
- Fidel V Ramos (Former Philipines President)
Wheatley Institute Lecture.

Wisdom

"Sometimes wisdom is knowing when to keep quiet. At the best of times, my teachers didn’t give advice. Their advice was how they lived their lives."
- Edward Jardine

Non Violence

"Non-violence is not a cloistered virtue. It is no impossible deal...
It is capable of being practiced by the millions...
It is the soul force within every human being...
The path of true non-violence requires much more courage than violence."
Mahatma Gandhi

Criticism

"His criticisms were thoughtful and carefully designed to encourage rather than to destroy."
said of Kessie Govender

Reverence and Respect

"You should express regularly to your wife and children your reverence and respect for her. Indeed, one of the greatest things a father can do for his children is to love their mother."
President Howard W Hunter
"Being a Righteous Husband" p 50

Provoked

Be not easily provoked.
The Apostle Paul
1 Corinthians 13:4

Your Daughters

Heard on Dr Phil today:

"When she (your daughter) walks out of the home (to go anywhere) she should feel 'The most powerful man in my life [Dad] thinks I am special!'"

I agree. If she does not feel that about her Dad she is vulnerable to the first man/boy who comes to her and says "I love you" "I think you are special."

And... did you know... "'I love you' are the first words that psychopaths say to girls." "Reviving Ophelia" p125 by Mary Pipher