1
When you return home find her before doing anything else and give her a hug.
2
Ask her specific questions about her day (e.g. "how was your visit with Sue today?")
3
Practice listening and asking questions. Get good at it.
4
Resist the temptation to solve her problems - empathise instead.
5
Give her 20 minutes of unasked for, quality attention (don't read, watch TV or anything else for that time.)
6
Bring her cut flowers as a surprise as well as on special occasions.
7
Plan a date several days in advance, rather than waiting until the day and then asking what she wants to do.
8
Offer to make dinner sometimes ( if she usually does.)
9
Compliment her on something of how she looks.
10
Validate her feelings when she is upset.
11
Offer to help her when she is tired.
12
Schedule extra time when travelling so that she does not have to rush.
13
When you are going to be late, phone her and let her know.
14
When she asks for support say "Yes" or "No" without making her wrong for asking.
15
Whenever her feelings have been hurt, give her some empathy and say "I'm sorry you feel hurt". Then be silent and listen. Don't offer solutions or explanations why her hurt is not your fault.
16
Whenever you need to pull away, let her know that you will be back after you have had some time to think.
17
When you have culled down yourself and come back, talk about what was bothering you in a respectful, respectable, non-blaming way, so she doesn't imagine the worst.
18
Offer to build a fire when needed. Clean up afterwards.
19
When she talks to you, look at her, give her your full attention… most of the time.
20
Help with washing/stacking the dishes sometimes.
21
Notice when she is upset or tired and ask what that is about. Offer to help with some of her "to do" things.
22
When going out ask if there is anything you can get for her while you are out. Remember to do it.
23
Let her know when you are planning to take a nap or leave.
24
Give her four hugs a day.
25
Phone her from work and share something exciting with her, or to tell her "I love/respect/admire you".
26
Tell her "I love you" a minimum of once a day. (verbal and non-verbal!)
27
Make the bed at least when you are last out of bed.
28
Turn your socks right side out before putting them to the wash, so she won't have to. (if that is how she likes things)
29
Notice when the dustbin needs emptying. Offer to empty it. Or just empty it.
30
When you are away, phone and let her know you arrived safely. Leave a phone number where you can be reached. Phone/email occasionally and talk with her.
31
Wash her car.
32
Wash and clean inside your car before you go out together.
33
Wash before having sex. Or at least put on some cologne if she likes that.
34
See her point of view when she is upset with someone or something.
35
Offer to give her a back or neck or foot massage (or all three). Give it if she accepts.
36
Make a point of a variety of cuddling and being affectionate sometimes without being sexual.
37
Be patient when she is sharing. Don't look at your watch… or the TV… or the people around… or…
38
Don't change the channels on TV when she is watching something.
39
Be respectfully and tastefully affectionate in public.
40
When holding hands, don't let your hand go limp.
41
Learn what she likes to drink and offer a choice of the ones you know she likes.
42
Suggest different restuarants when you go out. Don't always give the burden of choice to her.
43
Go to some performance or activity that she likes sometimes.
44
Invite her to a dress-up occasion sometimes.
45
Be understanding and patient when she is late. Deal with it skillfully if it is a problem she frequently has.
46
Pay more attention to her than to others in public.
47
She is more important than the children. Let the children see her getting your attention first and foremost.
48
Give her a little gift unexpectedly. Do it again sometime.
49
Buy her an item for her wardrobe occasionally that you know she will appreciate.
50
Take pictures of her on special occasions.
51
Take short romantic get-aways occasionally - couple of hours, morning, day, weekend or longer.
52
Carry a photo of her with you. Let her see that you carry it. Show it to someone sometime.
53
When staying away, have them prepare something special just for her (or you do it).
54
Write a note or make a special occasion of birthdays, anniversaries etc.
55
Offer to share the driving on long trips.
56
Drive safely and respectfully of her when she is in the car with you.
57
Notice how she is and comment on it: "You look tired/happy/cross/relaxed. How was your day?" 58
When you go out, find out how to get there so you don't get lost or agitated and ruffle her.
59
Take her dancing sometimes.
60
Surprise her sometimes with a lovely note, poem or story.
61
Treat her in ways you did in the best times of your early stages of your relationship.
62
Offer to fix something around the house. Accomplish it. Don't take on more than you can do.
63
Sharpen/have sharpened one/some/all of her knives in the kitchen.
64
Fix things around the house when they get broken. Or have them fixed.
65
Offer to change a light bulb as soon as it goes out. (Notice that it went out!)
66
Help her with re-cycling.
67
Read out loud, or cut out and give her, sections of the newspaper that you know will interest her.
68
Write out carefully and clearly any phone messages you take. Leave them where she WILL get them.
69
Keep the bathroom floor clean and clear. Dry it after you take a shower.
70
Open doors for her.
71
Offer to carry things for her.
72
Offer to move things for her.
73
On trips, handle the luggage, and pack the boot of the car. Have tips to pay porters.
74
Offer some help in the "dirty work" of the housekeeping.
75
Make a "needs attention" list and show her where it is in the kitchen. Look at it regularly. Do one regularly. Don't let thelist get too long. Use spare five or ten minutes to do the little things.
76
When she prepared a meal, compliment her on something.
77
When listening to her, look at her eyes. Hold the eye-contact gently.
78
Touch her hand or arm or shoulder sometimes when you talk to her.
79
Show interest in something she does during the day.
80
When listening, use minimal verbal responses: ahhh, oh, uh-huh, hmmm… etc
81
Ask her how she is feeling.
82
If she is/has been un-well, ask her for an up-date, and also how she is feeling.
83
If she is tired, offer to bring her a drink of something she likes.
84
Get ready for bed together and go to bed together most of the time.
85
Give her a meantingful kiss and say "good-bye" when you leave the house.
86
Laugh at her jokes and humour.
87
Verbally say "Thank you" when she does something for you.
88
Notice when she gets her hair done. Say something positive about it.
89
Create special time together - alone.
90
Don't answer the phone at special/vulnerable together times.
91
Do something simple together - walk around the block, around the garden.
92
Plan and organise, and accomplish, a picnic together.
93
Offer to do laundry sometime.
94
Do something alone together without the children.
95
Learn how to negotiate in a way that both she and you get/do what you want much of the time.
Be caring. Be fair and decent. Don't be a martyr. Don't bully. Don't manipulate.
96
Let her know when and how you missed her when you were away.
97
Bring home a favourite treat sometimes.
98
Offer to do some food shopping occasionally.
99
Eat sufficiently and mannerly when you are out so you won't be stuffed and tired afterwards.
100
Ask her to add some items to this list.
101
Leave the toilet seat and lid down after you. Put them down when you see them left up.
From: "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" John Gray p180 ff (adapted)
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