And from Joy Moll... I was surprised to realize a "she" wrote this list...
1 As you kiss her "hello" surprise her with (a goodie)
and then leave her to eat it on her own
2 Fill her car at the garage. Put a little note on the
dashboard "I've filled your car, had the oil, water and
tyres checked. Travel safely"
3 On a cold night snuggle up on the couch for a quiet
evening of reading or other agreeable activity
4 Make a point of chatting to her while she is bathing
or cooking if it is welcome
5 When you are in a crowd, surprise her by whispering
in her ear that you simply adore her
6 Send her on holiday for a week. See that some/all
her list of needed repairs get completed
7 Pass her the pegs while she hangs the washing
8 Scratch/caress her back gently while you sit together
9 On New Year's Eve present her with a small calendar
on which one day of the month is circled to indicate
the day you plan to take her on a date
10 When she is going through a difficult time, pray with
her and give her encouragement
11 On a warm day, pour two glasses of ice-cold juice
and pause and drink them together
12 When she goes out, welcome her back home
13 When you are out together, make her feel as though
she is the only one who matters to you. Look her in
the eyes as you speak to her
14 Open the car door for her when you go out together
15 Occasionally "forget about the expense" and whip her
off to a romantic night out
16 On a cold night, see that her side of the bed is warm
17 If she is kneading bread, offer to knead it
18 Show her your affection in front of your children/others
19 Comment favourably about her appearance/doings
20 Spend time with her doing things together
21 Give her a single rose with a sweet message
22 Babysit your children effectively for her for a few hours
23 Remain quiet and listen when she is angry with you -
don't defend yourself - listen to what she is saying
24 "Set the Scene" sometimes
25 Display her favourite photo of her at your work
26 Choose a little bottle of perfume for her to try
27 Put toothpaste on her toothbrush if she is running late
28 Laugh with her and enjoy her type of fun
29 Always let her know if you are going to be late
30 Tell her something about your day
31 Give her a gift voucher for some lovely clothes
32 Massarge her tired feet
33 Send her a message "you are wonderful"
34 Share a hot cup of… outside in the evening garden
35 Laugh at the jokes she tells - no correcting her
36 Bring her some first blossoms of spring
37 Help with her chores sometimes
38 If she is sick, make a "Get Well" card
39 Try to understand her moods - ask her what is
going on inside her. Listen
40 Go for a walk in the drizzle/rain together
41 Get her a favourite magazine/book
42 Occasionally make the children's school lunches
43 Catch her eye in company and give her a wink
44 Stick a note on her mirror "Hi gorgeous! You are
looking at the person who has made my life worthwhile"
45 During the day, note a joke, interesting item or
funny incident to share with her when you talk
46 Run her bath water
47 Help her with a hobby of hers
48 Forgive her readily when she makes a mistake
49 Purchase two tickets for an outing
50 Tell her "The world would be a better place if all
children had a mother like you" when it fits
51 Bring home a delicious-to-you-both (food item)
52 When she is busy, phone and tell her you will pick
up (food) for a meal - ask if she has suggestions
53 Once a year select a new activity you can share
54 When she says "I'm cold" do something loving
55 Send/bring her flowers
56 Take the lead in family devotions
57 Help with the children without having to be asked
58 Ask her to tell you her burdens. Listen without
unasked for advice
59 Invite her to meet you for a lunch date
60 Remind her often that she is marvellous
61 Put her in her favourite chair and wait on her
62 Take out the car for her when she is going out
63 Express your support - she can face any problem with it
64 Ask her to pick a movie - go with her
65 Express your admiration when she looks good
66 When she mentions something she would dearly
love - take note! Give it to her for a gift
67 Present her with a container of parking coins
68 Take her away for a couple weekend a year
69 Plan one family project a year - do it together
70 On Christmas eve, give her a special extra little gift
71 Sometimes she just needs you to hold her. Do it
72 When her car is dirty, get it cleaned for her
73 Encourage her in her extra-mural activities
74 Remember anniversaries - talk about them
75 Plan a fun treasure hunt to her gift on her birthday
76 Give her some extra money for herself out of the blue
77 When your wife is harassed - help her
78 Keep track of her menstrual cycles - be sensitive
79 Tell her you look forward to coming home to her
80 Phone her in the middle of the day to share something
81 Take and hold her hand when you sit together
82 Participate sometimes in children's homework
83 Pick an evening a cook a meal together
84 Lots of wooing and caressing in your loving times
85 Greet her with a friendly word morning and evening
86 Write a letter to her family/your children
87 Offer to do "the spadework"
88 Bring home progress/photos on your work projects
89 Plan a lovely "Mother's Day" with your children
90 Always support her in company - discuss in private
91 Send/bring her a Valentine's Day surprise
92 If she is not well, take charge of the household with
her approval and direction if she is well enough
93 Discover about Better Parenting together - find ways
to support her parenting, especially in public
94 When she is in conflict with someone, let her know
she can count on you (even though she may not
be in the right - let her work it out with your support)
95 Listen to what she likes to listen to together sometimes
96 Surprise her pleasantly early in the morning
97 Come home earlier more often - help with the children
98 Make a list of all the things you appreciate about her
let her know over her lifetime
99 Caress her more and more out of the bedroom
100 When you are away, leave love notes for her to find
101 Tell her at least once a week that you are glad
she is your wife
Happy Days are made of happy moments. Make them happen when they do not spontaneously come.
Make them happen often and regularly. Enjoy yourself. Choose what you want to and can do. Do it.
Tough times do not last. Enjoy a little "sunshine and warmth" despite the times of "rain and storm" that come
to all of us in our lives. Summer always comes after Winter. Daytime always comes after the darkest night.
Enjoy extra special times during the lovely times of your life too.
From: Joy Moll "101 Ways to Steal Your Wife's Heart"
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Husbands: Love is Something You Do
1
Have a date with your wife every week
2
Take her in your arms and stay with her - show her she is worth something/everything to you
3
Help with the children
4
See that the broken things in the home get repaired
5
Give her a regular women's night out
6
Baby-sit (parent) your children while she is out
7
Look her in the eye when you talk
8
Ask questions like
"What else did you feel?"
"That must have hurt you?"
"I'll bet that made you mad?" and
"Courageous to have survived that"
9
Regularly ask her about her Mom and Dad
10
Proactively suggest you visit various members of both your families
11
Never fuss when she wants you to attend a wedding with her - graciously decline if you occasionally must
12
Keep your part of the house and property tidy and in order
13
Do not leave your things lying around
14
Love her unconditionally - it sometimes doesn't matter how much she goes shopping
15
It doesn't matter most times how much money she spends
16
It doesn't matter frequently how long she speaks on the phone
17
Concede to the blue rug or the red one - whichever one she prefers
18
It need not matter to you how much she weighs - inspire her to do better if it is important to you
19
Be sensitive to her moods - deal with them adultly
20
Understand why she has a "headache"
21
Treat her with kindness
22
Be merciful to her
23
Forgive her for her wrongs - deal with them maturely if you must
24
Be tender towards her
25
Pray for her and with her regularly
26
Take the leadership in making sure she and your children are fed spiritually
27
Spend quantity time with the children not just quality time
28
Insist you talk over conflicts and try to be friends again as soon as possible
29
Be committed to reserving your evenings with her
30
Be content if she wants to sew when you are home
31
Be available if she needs you
32
Ensure your work/churchwork does not often interfere with family time
33
She is your highest priority after the Lord and yourself and she knows this for a fact
34
Touch her and hold her hand at times other than when you are thinking of the bedroom
35
Proactively make dates so you can do things together without her having the responsibility of
your children all the time
36
Don't complain about gifts - accept all gifts graciously - say "Thank you for your gift/for your thoughtfulness"
37
Compliment her on how she keeps your home
38
Compliment her when, and on how, she nurtures your children
39
Thank her when she provides a "soft place" for you and your children to come home to
40
If she doesn't do some things well, be careful to keep your thoughts to yourself and not let them
affect the courteous and kind way you treat her
41
Make a habit of catching your wife doing things right and carefully and rarely mention anything
she does wrong
42
Make the bed at least if you are the last one up
43
Stack the dirty dishes where and how she wants them stacked
44
Hang the pictures exactly as she asks
45
Be patient when she talks a lot to others after church or social events
46
Keep the outside of the home ship-shape
47
Spread the yucky fertilizer for her
48
Be patient with other drivers when she is in the car with you, and learn patience at all times
49
Ponder the scriptures/words of wisdom daily
50
Nurture your relationship with your God
51
Try continuously to find out what it means to be a Godly and good husband
52
Keep the garage and all your work areas clean
53
Make sure she has a space to park her car even if you have to sacrifice for her
54
When you are waiting in the car for her, don't mind when she needs to go back into the house
and fetch something else even if it makes you late
55
Be patient with the things you don't understand
56
Don't try to 'fix' her
57
Be sensitive to her feelings - or learn how
58
Smile lovingly at her even when she insists that the moon is triangular
59
Try your best to always put the toilet seat down
60
Give her the TV remote for the night
61
When she sends you an emotional message, don't give her "6 easy steps" to solve her problem:
that's almost never what she needs
62
Be honest with your feelings and express them more and more honestly, gently and skillfully
63
Don't hold grudges - learn how to "let them go"
64
Provide financial support for your family - be generous when as you are realistically able
65
Compliment her on how she looks
66
Admire her spiritual gifts and talents
67
Create an atmosphere for her growth:
If she is an artist, offer to buy her brushes/paint
If she writes, get her the computer that suits her
If she is a gardener, see she has the right tools
68
Be open to having visitors, if she likes having them and be an attentive host along with her hostessing
69
Keep yourself looking as good as possible
70
Keep your own weight within reason - govern yourself
71
Keep your hair clean and cut neatly
72
Don't burp or wear your greasy shoes (etc) in front of her guests - be aware and considerate
73
Be quick to listen and slow and careful to speak
74
Get right to the things she has on the "to do" goal list on the refrigerator or wherever she keeps it
75
Quickly atop and ask for directions when you are lost
76
Have a group of males with whom you can be real, cry, laugh, and learn what your wife needs through some of the things other good men have experienced
77
Don't resist all the rules she has in the home
78
Don't resent the trouble she goes to for guests instead, pitch in and help - right to the end
79
Understand and act on the fact that the first thing God asks you to do for Him is to serve and give yourself for your wife - meaning that you might
80
Value the "team" concept of marriage
81
Focus on "presenting your wife" to God one day
82
Protect and cherish her like the precious jewel she is
83
Never make a decision until she is "for" it - keep discussing until you find a way to agree
84
Gladly go to counselling when she asks and be grateful for the insights you gain into why the two
of you might be having uncomfortable times
85
Take a cooperative, active, gentle and also firm part in the loving and disciplining of your children
86
Be gracious if you go with her to the shopping mall
87
Don't keep looking at your watch to hurry her along - find another way to handle your own impatience/lack of husbandly skill
88
Be "sparkly" and courteous, especially to your wife, at social events - even when you hate being there
89
Create a list of fun things to do on your own, together, and with your family - suggest/do them
90
Always include some things she enjoys
91
Be quick to ask forgiveness when you offend her in some way or tease her hurtfully to her,
especially in public - then don't do it again
92
Be centred on your relationship with your God
93
Your goal is to obey your God in every aspect of your life - including your husbanding/parenting
94
Regard your wife as a superior person
95
Try very hard to increasingly find your road to
her heart
"Now I realize this is an impossible list, but you could do a few things on it to get started, couldn't you?"
Then when you are on the roll, add a few more.
Your wife will be grateful for as many as you can do, and guess what?
As you begin doing those things, she'll begin radiating back what you are giving her.
From: Chuck Snyder "The Way to a Woman's Heart" p 112
Note:
(Some wives will never be satisfied and will not be able to respond no matter how excellent a husband you are. It's not only about you. It's not only about her either.
If you feel this is your case, you or your wife probably then have other challenges that need to be addressed personally and individually.
The sooner you address your (plural) issues, the less complicated the remedies will be.
You and she will also likely have spousal and parenting growth and skills to discover so that you/she can use them now and when you have children.
If you or your wife fall into this category: find safe, skillful and effective short or long term counselling for either you, your wife, and/or both of you.
If she refuses to go, go by yourself. One person can make a huge difference.
Find out how to be a more skillful and effective husband to your chosen wife who has evoked surprises you never expected to have to learn about in your marriage. That's what a marriage does to all of us! You'll be a better person for the learning and the growing that your marriage will call you to do. So will she.)
Have a date with your wife every week
2
Take her in your arms and stay with her - show her she is worth something/everything to you
3
Help with the children
4
See that the broken things in the home get repaired
5
Give her a regular women's night out
6
Baby-sit (parent) your children while she is out
7
Look her in the eye when you talk
8
Ask questions like
"What else did you feel?"
"That must have hurt you?"
"I'll bet that made you mad?" and
"Courageous to have survived that"
9
Regularly ask her about her Mom and Dad
10
Proactively suggest you visit various members of both your families
11
Never fuss when she wants you to attend a wedding with her - graciously decline if you occasionally must
12
Keep your part of the house and property tidy and in order
13
Do not leave your things lying around
14
Love her unconditionally - it sometimes doesn't matter how much she goes shopping
15
It doesn't matter most times how much money she spends
16
It doesn't matter frequently how long she speaks on the phone
17
Concede to the blue rug or the red one - whichever one she prefers
18
It need not matter to you how much she weighs - inspire her to do better if it is important to you
19
Be sensitive to her moods - deal with them adultly
20
Understand why she has a "headache"
21
Treat her with kindness
22
Be merciful to her
23
Forgive her for her wrongs - deal with them maturely if you must
24
Be tender towards her
25
Pray for her and with her regularly
26
Take the leadership in making sure she and your children are fed spiritually
27
Spend quantity time with the children not just quality time
28
Insist you talk over conflicts and try to be friends again as soon as possible
29
Be committed to reserving your evenings with her
30
Be content if she wants to sew when you are home
31
Be available if she needs you
32
Ensure your work/churchwork does not often interfere with family time
33
She is your highest priority after the Lord and yourself and she knows this for a fact
34
Touch her and hold her hand at times other than when you are thinking of the bedroom
35
Proactively make dates so you can do things together without her having the responsibility of
your children all the time
36
Don't complain about gifts - accept all gifts graciously - say "Thank you for your gift/for your thoughtfulness"
37
Compliment her on how she keeps your home
38
Compliment her when, and on how, she nurtures your children
39
Thank her when she provides a "soft place" for you and your children to come home to
40
If she doesn't do some things well, be careful to keep your thoughts to yourself and not let them
affect the courteous and kind way you treat her
41
Make a habit of catching your wife doing things right and carefully and rarely mention anything
she does wrong
42
Make the bed at least if you are the last one up
43
Stack the dirty dishes where and how she wants them stacked
44
Hang the pictures exactly as she asks
45
Be patient when she talks a lot to others after church or social events
46
Keep the outside of the home ship-shape
47
Spread the yucky fertilizer for her
48
Be patient with other drivers when she is in the car with you, and learn patience at all times
49
Ponder the scriptures/words of wisdom daily
50
Nurture your relationship with your God
51
Try continuously to find out what it means to be a Godly and good husband
52
Keep the garage and all your work areas clean
53
Make sure she has a space to park her car even if you have to sacrifice for her
54
When you are waiting in the car for her, don't mind when she needs to go back into the house
and fetch something else even if it makes you late
55
Be patient with the things you don't understand
56
Don't try to 'fix' her
57
Be sensitive to her feelings - or learn how
58
Smile lovingly at her even when she insists that the moon is triangular
59
Try your best to always put the toilet seat down
60
Give her the TV remote for the night
61
When she sends you an emotional message, don't give her "6 easy steps" to solve her problem:
that's almost never what she needs
62
Be honest with your feelings and express them more and more honestly, gently and skillfully
63
Don't hold grudges - learn how to "let them go"
64
Provide financial support for your family - be generous when as you are realistically able
65
Compliment her on how she looks
66
Admire her spiritual gifts and talents
67
Create an atmosphere for her growth:
If she is an artist, offer to buy her brushes/paint
If she writes, get her the computer that suits her
If she is a gardener, see she has the right tools
68
Be open to having visitors, if she likes having them and be an attentive host along with her hostessing
69
Keep yourself looking as good as possible
70
Keep your own weight within reason - govern yourself
71
Keep your hair clean and cut neatly
72
Don't burp or wear your greasy shoes (etc) in front of her guests - be aware and considerate
73
Be quick to listen and slow and careful to speak
74
Get right to the things she has on the "to do" goal list on the refrigerator or wherever she keeps it
75
Quickly atop and ask for directions when you are lost
76
Have a group of males with whom you can be real, cry, laugh, and learn what your wife needs through some of the things other good men have experienced
77
Don't resist all the rules she has in the home
78
Don't resent the trouble she goes to for guests instead, pitch in and help - right to the end
79
Understand and act on the fact that the first thing God asks you to do for Him is to serve and give yourself for your wife - meaning that you might
80
Value the "team" concept of marriage
81
Focus on "presenting your wife" to God one day
82
Protect and cherish her like the precious jewel she is
83
Never make a decision until she is "for" it - keep discussing until you find a way to agree
84
Gladly go to counselling when she asks and be grateful for the insights you gain into why the two
of you might be having uncomfortable times
85
Take a cooperative, active, gentle and also firm part in the loving and disciplining of your children
86
Be gracious if you go with her to the shopping mall
87
Don't keep looking at your watch to hurry her along - find another way to handle your own impatience/lack of husbandly skill
88
Be "sparkly" and courteous, especially to your wife, at social events - even when you hate being there
89
Create a list of fun things to do on your own, together, and with your family - suggest/do them
90
Always include some things she enjoys
91
Be quick to ask forgiveness when you offend her in some way or tease her hurtfully to her,
especially in public - then don't do it again
92
Be centred on your relationship with your God
93
Your goal is to obey your God in every aspect of your life - including your husbanding/parenting
94
Regard your wife as a superior person
95
Try very hard to increasingly find your road to
her heart
"Now I realize this is an impossible list, but you could do a few things on it to get started, couldn't you?"
Then when you are on the roll, add a few more.
Your wife will be grateful for as many as you can do, and guess what?
As you begin doing those things, she'll begin radiating back what you are giving her.
From: Chuck Snyder "The Way to a Woman's Heart" p 112
Note:
(Some wives will never be satisfied and will not be able to respond no matter how excellent a husband you are. It's not only about you. It's not only about her either.
If you feel this is your case, you or your wife probably then have other challenges that need to be addressed personally and individually.
The sooner you address your (plural) issues, the less complicated the remedies will be.
You and she will also likely have spousal and parenting growth and skills to discover so that you/she can use them now and when you have children.
If you or your wife fall into this category: find safe, skillful and effective short or long term counselling for either you, your wife, and/or both of you.
If she refuses to go, go by yourself. One person can make a huge difference.
Find out how to be a more skillful and effective husband to your chosen wife who has evoked surprises you never expected to have to learn about in your marriage. That's what a marriage does to all of us! You'll be a better person for the learning and the growing that your marriage will call you to do. So will she.)
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
101 Ways To Score Points With Your Woman
1
When you return home find her before doing anything else and give her a hug.
2
Ask her specific questions about her day (e.g. "how was your visit with Sue today?")
3
Practice listening and asking questions. Get good at it.
4
Resist the temptation to solve her problems - empathise instead.
5
Give her 20 minutes of unasked for, quality attention (don't read, watch TV or anything else for that time.)
6
Bring her cut flowers as a surprise as well as on special occasions.
7
Plan a date several days in advance, rather than waiting until the day and then asking what she wants to do.
8
Offer to make dinner sometimes ( if she usually does.)
9
Compliment her on something of how she looks.
10
Validate her feelings when she is upset.
11
Offer to help her when she is tired.
12
Schedule extra time when travelling so that she does not have to rush.
13
When you are going to be late, phone her and let her know.
14
When she asks for support say "Yes" or "No" without making her wrong for asking.
15
Whenever her feelings have been hurt, give her some empathy and say "I'm sorry you feel hurt". Then be silent and listen. Don't offer solutions or explanations why her hurt is not your fault.
16
Whenever you need to pull away, let her know that you will be back after you have had some time to think.
17
When you have culled down yourself and come back, talk about what was bothering you in a respectful, respectable, non-blaming way, so she doesn't imagine the worst.
18
Offer to build a fire when needed. Clean up afterwards.
19
When she talks to you, look at her, give her your full attention… most of the time.
20
Help with washing/stacking the dishes sometimes.
21
Notice when she is upset or tired and ask what that is about. Offer to help with some of her "to do" things.
22
When going out ask if there is anything you can get for her while you are out. Remember to do it.
23
Let her know when you are planning to take a nap or leave.
24
Give her four hugs a day.
25
Phone her from work and share something exciting with her, or to tell her "I love/respect/admire you".
26
Tell her "I love you" a minimum of once a day. (verbal and non-verbal!)
27
Make the bed at least when you are last out of bed.
28
Turn your socks right side out before putting them to the wash, so she won't have to. (if that is how she likes things)
29
Notice when the dustbin needs emptying. Offer to empty it. Or just empty it.
30
When you are away, phone and let her know you arrived safely. Leave a phone number where you can be reached. Phone/email occasionally and talk with her.
31
Wash her car.
32
Wash and clean inside your car before you go out together.
33
Wash before having sex. Or at least put on some cologne if she likes that.
34
See her point of view when she is upset with someone or something.
35
Offer to give her a back or neck or foot massage (or all three). Give it if she accepts.
36
Make a point of a variety of cuddling and being affectionate sometimes without being sexual.
37
Be patient when she is sharing. Don't look at your watch… or the TV… or the people around… or…
38
Don't change the channels on TV when she is watching something.
39
Be respectfully and tastefully affectionate in public.
40
When holding hands, don't let your hand go limp.
41
Learn what she likes to drink and offer a choice of the ones you know she likes.
42
Suggest different restuarants when you go out. Don't always give the burden of choice to her.
43
Go to some performance or activity that she likes sometimes.
44
Invite her to a dress-up occasion sometimes.
45
Be understanding and patient when she is late. Deal with it skillfully if it is a problem she frequently has.
46
Pay more attention to her than to others in public.
47
She is more important than the children. Let the children see her getting your attention first and foremost.
48
Give her a little gift unexpectedly. Do it again sometime.
49
Buy her an item for her wardrobe occasionally that you know she will appreciate.
50
Take pictures of her on special occasions.
51
Take short romantic get-aways occasionally - couple of hours, morning, day, weekend or longer.
52
Carry a photo of her with you. Let her see that you carry it. Show it to someone sometime.
53
When staying away, have them prepare something special just for her (or you do it).
54
Write a note or make a special occasion of birthdays, anniversaries etc.
55
Offer to share the driving on long trips.
56
Drive safely and respectfully of her when she is in the car with you.
57
Notice how she is and comment on it: "You look tired/happy/cross/relaxed. How was your day?" 58
When you go out, find out how to get there so you don't get lost or agitated and ruffle her.
59
Take her dancing sometimes.
60
Surprise her sometimes with a lovely note, poem or story.
61
Treat her in ways you did in the best times of your early stages of your relationship.
62
Offer to fix something around the house. Accomplish it. Don't take on more than you can do.
63
Sharpen/have sharpened one/some/all of her knives in the kitchen.
64
Fix things around the house when they get broken. Or have them fixed.
65
Offer to change a light bulb as soon as it goes out. (Notice that it went out!)
66
Help her with re-cycling.
67
Read out loud, or cut out and give her, sections of the newspaper that you know will interest her.
68
Write out carefully and clearly any phone messages you take. Leave them where she WILL get them.
69
Keep the bathroom floor clean and clear. Dry it after you take a shower.
70
Open doors for her.
71
Offer to carry things for her.
72
Offer to move things for her.
73
On trips, handle the luggage, and pack the boot of the car. Have tips to pay porters.
74
Offer some help in the "dirty work" of the housekeeping.
75
Make a "needs attention" list and show her where it is in the kitchen. Look at it regularly. Do one regularly. Don't let thelist get too long. Use spare five or ten minutes to do the little things.
76
When she prepared a meal, compliment her on something.
77
When listening to her, look at her eyes. Hold the eye-contact gently.
78
Touch her hand or arm or shoulder sometimes when you talk to her.
79
Show interest in something she does during the day.
80
When listening, use minimal verbal responses: ahhh, oh, uh-huh, hmmm… etc
81
Ask her how she is feeling.
82
If she is/has been un-well, ask her for an up-date, and also how she is feeling.
83
If she is tired, offer to bring her a drink of something she likes.
84
Get ready for bed together and go to bed together most of the time.
85
Give her a meantingful kiss and say "good-bye" when you leave the house.
86
Laugh at her jokes and humour.
87
Verbally say "Thank you" when she does something for you.
88
Notice when she gets her hair done. Say something positive about it.
89
Create special time together - alone.
90
Don't answer the phone at special/vulnerable together times.
91
Do something simple together - walk around the block, around the garden.
92
Plan and organise, and accomplish, a picnic together.
93
Offer to do laundry sometime.
94
Do something alone together without the children.
95
Learn how to negotiate in a way that both she and you get/do what you want much of the time.
Be caring. Be fair and decent. Don't be a martyr. Don't bully. Don't manipulate.
96
Let her know when and how you missed her when you were away.
97
Bring home a favourite treat sometimes.
98
Offer to do some food shopping occasionally.
99
Eat sufficiently and mannerly when you are out so you won't be stuffed and tired afterwards.
100
Ask her to add some items to this list.
101
Leave the toilet seat and lid down after you. Put them down when you see them left up.
From: "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" John Gray p180 ff (adapted)
When you return home find her before doing anything else and give her a hug.
2
Ask her specific questions about her day (e.g. "how was your visit with Sue today?")
3
Practice listening and asking questions. Get good at it.
4
Resist the temptation to solve her problems - empathise instead.
5
Give her 20 minutes of unasked for, quality attention (don't read, watch TV or anything else for that time.)
6
Bring her cut flowers as a surprise as well as on special occasions.
7
Plan a date several days in advance, rather than waiting until the day and then asking what she wants to do.
8
Offer to make dinner sometimes ( if she usually does.)
9
Compliment her on something of how she looks.
10
Validate her feelings when she is upset.
11
Offer to help her when she is tired.
12
Schedule extra time when travelling so that she does not have to rush.
13
When you are going to be late, phone her and let her know.
14
When she asks for support say "Yes" or "No" without making her wrong for asking.
15
Whenever her feelings have been hurt, give her some empathy and say "I'm sorry you feel hurt". Then be silent and listen. Don't offer solutions or explanations why her hurt is not your fault.
16
Whenever you need to pull away, let her know that you will be back after you have had some time to think.
17
When you have culled down yourself and come back, talk about what was bothering you in a respectful, respectable, non-blaming way, so she doesn't imagine the worst.
18
Offer to build a fire when needed. Clean up afterwards.
19
When she talks to you, look at her, give her your full attention… most of the time.
20
Help with washing/stacking the dishes sometimes.
21
Notice when she is upset or tired and ask what that is about. Offer to help with some of her "to do" things.
22
When going out ask if there is anything you can get for her while you are out. Remember to do it.
23
Let her know when you are planning to take a nap or leave.
24
Give her four hugs a day.
25
Phone her from work and share something exciting with her, or to tell her "I love/respect/admire you".
26
Tell her "I love you" a minimum of once a day. (verbal and non-verbal!)
27
Make the bed at least when you are last out of bed.
28
Turn your socks right side out before putting them to the wash, so she won't have to. (if that is how she likes things)
29
Notice when the dustbin needs emptying. Offer to empty it. Or just empty it.
30
When you are away, phone and let her know you arrived safely. Leave a phone number where you can be reached. Phone/email occasionally and talk with her.
31
Wash her car.
32
Wash and clean inside your car before you go out together.
33
Wash before having sex. Or at least put on some cologne if she likes that.
34
See her point of view when she is upset with someone or something.
35
Offer to give her a back or neck or foot massage (or all three). Give it if she accepts.
36
Make a point of a variety of cuddling and being affectionate sometimes without being sexual.
37
Be patient when she is sharing. Don't look at your watch… or the TV… or the people around… or…
38
Don't change the channels on TV when she is watching something.
39
Be respectfully and tastefully affectionate in public.
40
When holding hands, don't let your hand go limp.
41
Learn what she likes to drink and offer a choice of the ones you know she likes.
42
Suggest different restuarants when you go out. Don't always give the burden of choice to her.
43
Go to some performance or activity that she likes sometimes.
44
Invite her to a dress-up occasion sometimes.
45
Be understanding and patient when she is late. Deal with it skillfully if it is a problem she frequently has.
46
Pay more attention to her than to others in public.
47
She is more important than the children. Let the children see her getting your attention first and foremost.
48
Give her a little gift unexpectedly. Do it again sometime.
49
Buy her an item for her wardrobe occasionally that you know she will appreciate.
50
Take pictures of her on special occasions.
51
Take short romantic get-aways occasionally - couple of hours, morning, day, weekend or longer.
52
Carry a photo of her with you. Let her see that you carry it. Show it to someone sometime.
53
When staying away, have them prepare something special just for her (or you do it).
54
Write a note or make a special occasion of birthdays, anniversaries etc.
55
Offer to share the driving on long trips.
56
Drive safely and respectfully of her when she is in the car with you.
57
Notice how she is and comment on it: "You look tired/happy/cross/relaxed. How was your day?" 58
When you go out, find out how to get there so you don't get lost or agitated and ruffle her.
59
Take her dancing sometimes.
60
Surprise her sometimes with a lovely note, poem or story.
61
Treat her in ways you did in the best times of your early stages of your relationship.
62
Offer to fix something around the house. Accomplish it. Don't take on more than you can do.
63
Sharpen/have sharpened one/some/all of her knives in the kitchen.
64
Fix things around the house when they get broken. Or have them fixed.
65
Offer to change a light bulb as soon as it goes out. (Notice that it went out!)
66
Help her with re-cycling.
67
Read out loud, or cut out and give her, sections of the newspaper that you know will interest her.
68
Write out carefully and clearly any phone messages you take. Leave them where she WILL get them.
69
Keep the bathroom floor clean and clear. Dry it after you take a shower.
70
Open doors for her.
71
Offer to carry things for her.
72
Offer to move things for her.
73
On trips, handle the luggage, and pack the boot of the car. Have tips to pay porters.
74
Offer some help in the "dirty work" of the housekeeping.
75
Make a "needs attention" list and show her where it is in the kitchen. Look at it regularly. Do one regularly. Don't let thelist get too long. Use spare five or ten minutes to do the little things.
76
When she prepared a meal, compliment her on something.
77
When listening to her, look at her eyes. Hold the eye-contact gently.
78
Touch her hand or arm or shoulder sometimes when you talk to her.
79
Show interest in something she does during the day.
80
When listening, use minimal verbal responses: ahhh, oh, uh-huh, hmmm… etc
81
Ask her how she is feeling.
82
If she is/has been un-well, ask her for an up-date, and also how she is feeling.
83
If she is tired, offer to bring her a drink of something she likes.
84
Get ready for bed together and go to bed together most of the time.
85
Give her a meantingful kiss and say "good-bye" when you leave the house.
86
Laugh at her jokes and humour.
87
Verbally say "Thank you" when she does something for you.
88
Notice when she gets her hair done. Say something positive about it.
89
Create special time together - alone.
90
Don't answer the phone at special/vulnerable together times.
91
Do something simple together - walk around the block, around the garden.
92
Plan and organise, and accomplish, a picnic together.
93
Offer to do laundry sometime.
94
Do something alone together without the children.
95
Learn how to negotiate in a way that both she and you get/do what you want much of the time.
Be caring. Be fair and decent. Don't be a martyr. Don't bully. Don't manipulate.
96
Let her know when and how you missed her when you were away.
97
Bring home a favourite treat sometimes.
98
Offer to do some food shopping occasionally.
99
Eat sufficiently and mannerly when you are out so you won't be stuffed and tired afterwards.
100
Ask her to add some items to this list.
101
Leave the toilet seat and lid down after you. Put them down when you see them left up.
From: "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" John Gray p180 ff (adapted)
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