Love Is...

"Love is one part intimacy, fun and friendship; one part passion and romance; and one part commitment."
Robert Sternberg, Yale University

(Intimacy is a feeling of connection - sexual intimacy is but one small part of the whole of intimacy. Without the feeling of connection sexual relations may in fact feel very far from intimate.)

"Although you cannot make yourself (or another) fall back in love, you can decide to improve the aspects of love - and the actions that demonstrate love - and often the feeling of love can be regained."
Fighting For Your Marriage" p277 (Recommended reading)
Howard J Markman, Scott M Stanley, Susan L Blumberg

Various Aspects of Intimacy

Real Intimacy is what we all yearn for and need.
Intimacy (connectedness) has various facets.

Take the Test:
1 = Starved to 5 =Satisfied

Emotional - Sharing significant and private feelings

Intrapersonal - Sharing myself with myself

Intellectual - Sharing deep ideas, studies, subjects

Aesthetic - Sharing beautiful things: arts, nature

Creative - Sharing the creation of something meaningful

Recreational - Sharing recreational activity

Social - Sharing meanigful social times

Occupational - Sharing work/chores together

Crisis - Sharing stirring internal and external crisis

Spiritual - Sharing worshipful and spiritual experiences

Romantic - Sharing tender sensual, non-sexual relations

Sexual - Sharing mutually fulfilling sexual relations

Parental - Sharing the nurturing and parenting of child/ren

Familial - Sharing warm and safe family relationships

Ideological - Sharing ideological and political activities

Conflict - Sharing meaningfully and drawing closer during conflict

Companionship - Sharing delightful companionable experiences

To expect one person to meet all these intimacy needs is unrealistic and will result in misery for you both.
Widen your network of associates and friends.
Intimacy cannot be forced.
Cultivate the openness within yourself that will invite the openness of another.
Intimacy, trust and trustworthiness are intertwined.
Share parts of yourself responsibly with various people.
Appreciate the sharing of others of parts of themselves with you.
Enjoy many intimate moments, of a variety, in your life.
Wisely you will share Romantic and Sexual Intimacy only with your wife.
Hopefully you will grow to the point of being able to share all of you with your wife, and have your wife share all of herself with you.
This is the intellectual, emotional and spiritual work of a life-time.

From: M Kleynhans 1991 (expanded)

Provoked

Be not easily provoked.
The Apostle Paul
1 Corinthians 13:4

Love

"He who loves not his wife and children breeds a lioness and a nest of sorrows."
Jeremy Taylor quoted by Angus Buchan

Combat

I have just read the Ensign June 2010 p 76 article about Combating Pornography.

I see there is a new church website http://www.combatingpornography.org/
I went to the website to look around. I will recommend it to any I know who struggle.
I have watched some of the "Cyber Secrets" Conference talks on http://www.byutv.org/ and been impressed with them. These discussions have been organised to help people involved with pornography or those who are affected by them. These recorded talks might subsequently be moved to this new website - for now they are on BYUtv.
There are increasing resources for those suffering with this gnawing and destructive addiction.
If you are gripped by pornograph, or know someone who is,- please help yourself and also: give yourself into the care of others who might be able to walk with you as you walk out of this and help you stay out of it.
Healing is possible.

Bitterness and Wrath

"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking,be put away from you, with all malice:
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."
Paul Ephesians 4:31,32

Man Up

"You have got to man up and give your wife the respect she deserves."
Dr Phil